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The Legal, the Social, and the Classical: A Nap-Inducing Headline
Tuesday, March 28th, 2023
Musk Takes Time Out of Building Cars and Launching Rockets to Put Bill Gates in His Place
In a scorching tweet, tech entrepreneur Elon Musk slammed Bill Gates with his tweet: "I remember the early meetings with Gates. His understanding of AI was limited. Still is." This comes after Gates wrote a blog post praising AI's potential in revolutionizing healthcare, education, and the workforce. Musk, who co-founded OpenAI, scoffed at Gates' bullish attitude towards the technology. Oh, the audacity of Bill Gates to have an opinion on AI! He's only a tech billionaire and a philanthropist, what does he know?
OneWeb Enabling Selfie-Posting From Middle of the Pacific Ocean
OneWeb has launched the final batch of satellites required for its broadband service, taking its total constellation to 618 satellites. The British firm now has enough satellites to deliver internet connectivity to any spot on the planet, and hopes to offer global coverage by the end of 2023. And if they can bring internet to the most remote areas of the world, just maybe they can finally get your house Wi-Fi to work properly. Despite being a money-losing operation, the company is generating millions of dollars in revenue every month thanks to its focus on enterprise clients, according to its chairman, Sunil Bharti Mittal. OneWeb has already been rescued from bankruptcy in a $1 billion financing package backed by the UK government and Indian telecommunications conglomerate Bharti Global. Here’s to hoping OneWeb delivers and every Karen out there can post their unhinged Yelp reviews from anywhere on Earth.
Apple Boldly Enters the 18th Century with New Classical Music App
In a groundbreaking move that is sure to rock the world of classical music enthusiasts everywhere, Apple unveiled its latest app: Apple Music Classical. Finally! We now have an app that caters to the millions of people who can't get enough of harpsichord concertos. The app offers over five million tracks with Hi-Res Lossless sound quality, spatial audio, and hundreds of playlists and users can search for their favorite classical music by composer, work, conductor, or catalog number. Obviously, if you don't know the catalog number of your favorite piece, you’re not a true ride or die. And why have one app for all your music when you can have two? Playing Bach on the same app as your Ariana Grande playlist is just sacrilege.
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Lyft Co-Founders Finally Realize It's Cheaper to Walk Than to Ride Their Own Stock Down
Lyft's co-founders Logan Green and John Zimmer are stepping down from their roles, possibly because their share price has fallen over 70% in the last year alone. So, in an attempt to keep pace with their rival, Uber, Lyft has turned to an industry heavyweight. Amazon's former head of product and US retail, David Risher, will soon be taking the wheel (sorry, couldn’t resist) while Green and Zimmer will become chairman and vice-chair of the board respectively. They’ve come to the end of their ride, how many stars will you give them?
Binance Vows to Comply With US Laws Just As Soon As They Figure Out What They Are
Binance, the world's largest cryptocurrency exchange, and its founder Changpeng Zhao have been sued by the CFTC for violating the Commodity Exchange Act and CFTC regulations. The CFTC is seeking significant penalties and bans, including disgorgement of profits and permanent trading and registration bans. If successful, this lawsuit could have serious implications for Binance's business, potentially banning them from operating in the US, one of the largest markets for cryptocurrencies, and requiring compliance with US law. Last November, Binance proposed a rescue fund for crypto companies and backed out of a deal to buy FTX Trading. That same month, Binance experienced a hack on its Binance Smart Chain network that may have resulted in the loss of over $100 million. No-shave? Try no-sense November.