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Google, Meta and Netflix Walk Into A Bar...
Wednesday, April 19th, 2023
1. Google's New $1,700 Foldable Phone That No One Asked For
Google introduces its first-ever foldable smartphone, the Pixel Fold, with the "most durable hinge" and a starting price of over $1,700. For close to $2k, we better be able to use that durable hinge to do some light carpentry work too. This pocket-sized device claims to be water-resistant which basically means you can cry on it without ruining the phonem, but that's about it. And if that's not enough, with a simple book-like opening motion, the phone transforms into a small tablet-sized 7.6-inch screen. Thanks to Google, we finally have a phone that not only meets our technological needs but doubles as a boomerang.
2. Netflix Calls It Quits on DVD Rentals Because It's 2023, Who Even Owns a DVD Player Anymore?
Netflix has announced it will be shuttering its DVD-by-mail business, citing a dwindling customer base and inability to provide a satisfactory experience. It’s quite surprising: people don't actually like waiting for a DVD to be delivered when they can just stream content instantly. The last DVDs will be mailed out on September 29, according to a blog post by the company's co-CEO. This marks the end of an era for the company, whose DVD rental business was its first foray into an emerging technology. The gamble paid off handsomely, allowing Netflix to challenge and ultimately topple Blockbuster, but it seems this chapter has finally come to a close. Goodbye DVDs, we'll miss you almost as much as we miss rewinding VHS tapes.
Subscribe for free out of respect for the days of antiquated DVDs and VHS tapes.
3. Year of Efficiency or Year of Unemployment?
Meta, the parent company of social media giants Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp, is set to give the gift of unemployment to thousands of workers in its latest round of layoffs. CEO Mark Zuckerberg has declared 2023 the "year of efficiency" and is looking to trim the fat by shedding 4,000 jobs. This comes after a previous purge of 11,000 positions in November, proving that no one is safe from the axe in Silicon Valley's latest cost-cutting craze. As the tech industry experiences a "belt-tightening" phase, employee morale at Meta has plummeted, with confidence in leadership at an all-time low.
4. Meta's Social VR Platform: Because Who Needs Real Life Anyway?
Meta Platforms has decided to spice up its social VR platform, Horizon Worlds, by making it available to teenagers in the US and Canada. There's nothing cooler than spending hours in a virtual world, staring at a screen, while your body slowly deteriorates from lack of movement! To ensure that the youths are safe from any harm, the company has introduced some age-appropriate protection measures, such as allowing teens to pick and choose who they follow and whose follows they accept. If there's one thing we know about teenagers, it's that they always make the best decisions about who they interact with online. Meta will also convert unknown voices of adults and teens into incoherent mumbles, so they won't be able to interact with one another.
5. UK in Panic as Russia-Linked Hackers Threatening Businesses and Critical National Infrastructure
Shocking news reveals that these ideologically motivated hackers are part of a private Russian militia similar in structure to the Wagner group, a controversial private military company believed to be operating on behalf of the Russian government. But fear not, the UK government has a plan to announce cybersecurity resilience goals that companies in critical national infrastructure sectors must meet by 2025. In a move that seems to be copied from the US, the UK's National Cyber Security Centre has also sounded the alarm, warning businesses of a "new class of Russian cyber adversary." Several UK businesses have already fallen victim to these criminal hacking gangs, and the country is on high alert. Good thing they have until 2025 to meet those resilience goals… we presume the hackers will pause their efforts and patiently wait until then to attack.