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Bringing It Around Town: To Germany, the UK and The Moon
Monday, May 22nd, 2023
1. Dental Startup Rakes in €100 Million, Still Can't Convince People to Floss Daily
German startup Patient21 has managed to raise €100 million ($108 million) in a Series C funding round. The company, which combines a digital platform with good old-fashioned brick-and-mortar clinics, is apparently focused on dentistry. With their (allegedly) cutting-edge proprietary software for managing patients, Patient21 operates over 50 outpatient clinics across Germany, ensuring that people's teeth get the attention they deserve. Now armed with all this cash, the startup plans to expand its software and enter new European markets and even has grand visions of exploring dental telehealth solutions. We'd love never having to sit in a dentist's chair again as much as the next guy, but something about flashing our uvula to a dentist over Zoom doesn't sit quite right with us.
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2. UK Court Dismisses Privacy Lawsuit, Leaving 1.6 Million Patients Slightly Bummed Out
In a stunning turn of events, a UK court has waved away a class-action privacy lawsuit against tech giants Google and DeepMind. Over 1.6 million individuals had claimed that their medical records were mishandled, but the court, in its infinite wisdom, declared that the case didn't quite fit the mold for a representative action. This ruling has shed light on the uphill battle privacy compensation claims face in the UK. Meanwhile, across the channel, the European Union is all about protecting privacy rights and making it easier for people to sue whereas, in the UK, it looks like citizens might need to accept that privacy is so last century.
3. Tweet It or Gram It?
Instagram, owned by Meta Platforms, is reportedly gearing up to launch a text-based app that will directly rival Twitter with an anticipated release date set for as early as June. In a desperate bid for validation, Meta has been reaching out to talent agencies and celebrities to gauge their interest in trying out an early version of the app and is currently subjecting influencers and creators to rigorous testing. We commend their avant-garde product development strategy of building a bridge and then wondering if anyone even wants to cross it, showcasing a remarkable mastery of the art of confusion.
4. Bezos and Musk: Space Billionaires Enter Thunderdome for NASA's Lunar Mission
NASA has thrown $3.4 billion at Jeff Bezos's Blue Origin to build a human landing system for the Artemis V mission slated for 2029. This partnership adds some extra flavor to the existing deal with Elon Musk's SpaceX, ensuring a healthy dose of billionaire rivalry in NASA's quest of regular lunar touchdowns and a robust lunar economy. They're hoping this move will spark a gladiator-style competition and slash costs while also laying the groundwork for future Mars excursions. The whole shebang, dubbed the Artemis program, is all about sending astronauts, including the first woman and person of color, to frolic on the Moon in the name of science.
5. Bon appétit, Restaurant365!
Restaurant365, a startup that develops all-in-one restaurant management software, has announced $135 million in new funding co-led by KKR and L Catterton. With this fresh infusion of dough (sorry we had to), Restaurant365 will keep on refining their software which covers accounting, analytics, staff and inventory management. Restaurant365's software is currently used in 40,000 locations and generates around $100 million in annual revenues while the company's valuation has surpassed $1 billion, up from $305 million in 2019. While the food service industry faces challenges like soaring food costs and fierce competition, investors are clearly salivating over their potential. Okay, enough with the food puns.